Houston Rainbow Herald

HOUSTON RAINBOW HERALD

Houston`s One Stop Source For LGBT News & Information

"Life Experience Guru"

By Toni Marx

Dear Guru,

I me and my girlfriend broke up about um, 2 months ago and I still think about her. How much time should I wait before "moving on"?

Sincerely,

Two steps forward, no steps back.

Dear No Step Back,

The time varies for each person. Some people wait 2 weeks while others wait up to 3 years. If you start dating without resolving your issues or feelings for her, you will impose those issues (and drama) onto the next person. The secret is, to wait for your feelings for her to be COMPLETELY resolved. On the other hand people say the only cure for a broken heart is a new one. But those never, if not rarely, work out. One word for you…rebound.

Good luck in love my friend.

Sincerely,

T. Marx

Dear Guru,

I met this guy at the club the other night and after a couple of drinks we were making out. The problem surfaced when he wanted me to go home with him. I declined and he never called back. I really liked him and I don't want this to happen again. What is the best way to handle this?

Sincerely,

Not Easy in the Big Easy

Dear Not Easy,

I commend you for not allowing the alcohol to cloud your decision. One night stands are one thing while standing fast on what you want are quite another. I think it's important to be clear on where things are going. I'm not saying one night stands don't lead to relationships because I know of a few that have. The secret is to be assured that if you wait; the right person will call back.

Good luck in love my friend.

Sincerely,

T. Marx

**If you have questions for me, your "Life Experience Guru", Toni Marx please write me at: houstonrainbowherald@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: The advice given in this column is for entertainment purposes ONLY. The "Life Experience Guru" is in NO way a mental health professional; and has NO license to advise anyone. He is simply sharing what worked for him.

"I'm Gay!" - Advice on Coming Out

Honey, believe me. Your mother knows.

Think about it this way. When you say, "coming out", you aren't telling your mother something she doesn't already know. You're telling her you're ready to talk about it, and her feelings about it.

I do have suggestions for this. Saying it out loud at all is a huge step. You might want to take that first huge step out loud, in a way that's emotionally not filled with the anxiety of your parents. Do you have a friend you could tell first? Someone who loves you unconditionally, that will deal with this very positively. Or, even a causal acquaintance that is gay or very gay friendly. Maybe it's even someone that's given you hints over time that they would be cool with finding out a friend is gay.

"Life Experience Guru"

By Toni Marx, Houston Rainbow Herald

Dear Guru,

I me and my girlfriend broke up about um, 2 months ago and I still think about her. How much time should I wait before "moving on"?

Sincerely,

Two steps forward, no steps back.

Dear No Step Back,

Good luck in love my friend.

Sincerely,

T. Marx

Dear Guru,

Sincerely,

Not Easy in the Big Easy

Dear Not Easy,

I commend you for not allowing the alcohol consumed to cloud your decision. One night stands are one thing while standing fast on what you want are quite another. I think it's important to be clear on where things are going. I'm not saying one night stands don't lead to relationships because I know of a few that have. The secret is to be assured that if you wait; the right person will call back.

Good luck in love my friend.

Sincerely,

T. Marx

**If you have questions for me, your "Life Experience Guru", Toni Marx please write me at: houstonrainbowherald@yahoo.com

"Life Experience Guru"

By Toni Marx, Houston Rainbow Herald 11/3/2011

Dear Guru,

I am a college junior studying Chemistry. I'm doing well in school but sometimes I get extremely lonely. I've done everything I can to get people to notice me. I've purchased new shoes, watches and shirts. None of this seems to work. There was this one time though when a classmate recognized me near the student hall and smiled. I got nervous and froze. My family lives out state so it's just me. What can I do to make people notice me? Nothing I do is working.

Sincerely,

Lonely 'n Educated

Dear Lonely,

Man, you REALLY seem to be trying…and that may be your problem. The purchasing of those items JUST to get a man is going a bit far. It sounds like this obsession is draining your energy and pulling your focus. I think the best thing to do at this time is just relax. In doing so you will be able to sleep and concentrate on your school work. Re-channel all that energy onto a positive avenue. The secret is to let love find YOU-quit looking. As far as your classmate goes; next time strike up a conversation about an assignment, if you can't think of one…make one up. The secret is to just live your life yet remain vigilant. We've heard it said time and time again, "Love will find you when you quit looking." Heck, I can almost promise you, that not only will you not see it coming, but it will appear from somewhere you don't even expect. Good luck in love my friend.

Sincerely,

Guru

Dear Guru,

First I want to say that I really enjoy your column. It is uplifting, thought provoking and even a little edgy. The one thing I've noticed is you don't actually extend advice. You tell the reader what you think (from your life-experiences of course) and allow them to draw their own conclusions. I like that. With-that-being-said…I have a new one for you. I'm currently in TWO relationships. One I have been in since high school and the other started later. HOW do I CHOOSE which one to date?

Sincerely,

Not Playen By the Rules

Dear Not Playen,

Thank you for the compliment. I'll dispense with pleasantries and get right to it. First of all people like you piss me off. I guess you put "…Playen…" for a reason huh? Aside from taking their feelings into consideration, you may want to weigh the pros and cons of each of the people you're cheating with-and go from there.

"Life Experience Guru"

By Mark Anthony, 11/20/2011

Dear Guru,

My new boyfriend wants me to spend the holiday(s) with him. We haven't been together very long and I don't feel it appropriate that I meet his family yet. He is close to his family and continues to push the issue. I have not introduced him to my family either. It's just that I want to make sure this "works" before I parade him around and have my little brothers and sisters refer to him as "Uncle." What should I do?

Sincerely,

Holiday Blues

Dear Blues,

You failed to mention the duration of your relationship. I'll assume it has been less than 6 months. I've had close friends of mine ask me the same thing. Well friend, the time varies from person to person. I have found though the closer one is to one's family, the sooner the introductions are made. The secret is to make sure you're comfortable otherwise you'll feel awkward and ruin your holiday season.

Dear Guru,

I hate the holidays. (That's right. I wrote it-you read.) I HATE the holidays. I could write a paragraph and disclose details that would surely be spun into a Lifetime Network movie but I'll save you the "drama of it all." I'm usually by myself because my roommate (JUST roommate thank-you) is usually with his family. Don't get me wrong, I get invited to places but I decline. The one time I did agree to spend the day with a friend's family I was interrogated about my family etc. I promised myself I would NEVER EVER put myself through this again. I'm at a loss as to how to spend this day.

Sincerely,

Holiday Issues

Dear Issues,

OMG…I forgot the number to the hotline. Just kidding. Hmmmm. *Thinking* Not sure what to say. Ok…here it is. Your family issues seem to be deep rooted so I firmly suggest you seek professional help or this will follow you through all your days. The secret is to originate your own holiday rituals. I knew of someone that spent ALL THREE Holidays watching the complete "Sex in the City" series. He purchased a Holiday meal from Randall's and spent the day with Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. The secret is to enjoy them your own way-even if it IS nonconventional.

**TO MY READERS: Forgive me for not being available during the Holidays. I've JUST accessed my email(s) and to my pleasant surprise there were pages upon pages upon pages. The ones presented below are the FIRST TWO sent. I shall respond to ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS-Promise. I'm BACK!!

Dear Guru,

I'm somewhat confused as to the difference between bisexual and gay. A friend of mine professes to be straight yet continues to have sex with Trannys (forgive me for not being PC). I must also confess that I too have engaged in (protected) acts with guys that have girlfriends or wives. When I was younger I had girlfriends and almost got married. Time has since passed and (although single) I seem to notice women. Does that make me bisexual?

Sincerely,

All Bi-myself

Dear Self,

First I want to thank you for writing. I can see you have been wrestling with this for some time. It takes courage to write a letter such as yours and I'm glad you trust my opinion enough to reach out. The thing that has always confused me about this question is whether the (bisexual) guys are "just horny," if it is the beginning of something more-or both. The thing you must ask yourself is, "Am I SEXUALLY attracted to these woman or am I just NOTICING their attractiveness?" There is a difference.

Good luck in love my friend.

Dear Guru,

Will there ever be acceptance of GBLT in my lifetime? I'm 18 and in my second semester in College. I'm studying Psychology (plan on getting a Masters) and plan to use it to help my GBLT brothers and sisters in crisis.

Sincerely,

Brother at Arms

Dear Brother,

First, let me point out that our site has presented several pieces on the tolerance of the GBLT Community. This in itself my friend is a good thing. Voices have been raised and people are definitely taking notice. The acceptance you speak of has already begun. The offering of Domestic Partner insurance from companies such as JP Morgan Chase and Wells Fargo is just one example.

"Keep your chin up young person." from the movie The Object of My Affection.

Contact Mark at: markanthony@houstonrainbowherald.com

"Life Experience Guru"

By Mark Anthony, 1/17/2012